Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
