cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
