you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A+ Viking dick
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