I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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