Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
