So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
