her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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