he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
