I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
