walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
