and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
