No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
