I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
