Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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