Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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