We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
