wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
