and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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