normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize