better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
