I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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