She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
