I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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