I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
