i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize