I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
