I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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