she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
