Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She bit a glass in half.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize