they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
