I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
