That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
