covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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