I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
