Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
