Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
