who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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