Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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