I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
