the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
