ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize