I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize