Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
