I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
