i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
