There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
