Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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