I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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