I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
