while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
