sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
