The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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