i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
