I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
