what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
