The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
