he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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