so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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