It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
