We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
