just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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