girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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