Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
